


Rambles

by Rootlessshaw



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxious Ace Regina, F/F, Oblivious Emma, Soft Swan Queen Sunday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 07:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10848867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rootlessshaw/pseuds/Rootlessshaw
Summary: it’s getting pretty old, people assuming we’re together just because you look good in my clothes





	Rambles

The ‘no’ came way too soon to not be slightly painful. Emma hadn’t finished formulating her proposal and Regina had already almost-shouted her refusal over the phone. What was so unthinkable about going to the gala together? It would solve Regina’s hesitance to go alone and could over-all be a very fun night. I mean, Emma wasn’t the biggest fan of fancy parties or the Lit-department of their college, but putting on a fancy suit and free booze seemed like a small sacrifice for helping out a friend. Or so she thought. Regina didn’t seem to agree, or even think this could ever be viable option. The silence Emma had left must’ve alarmed Regina, ‘cause her voice started stumbling an explanation on the other side of the line:

 

“It’s just, everyone already thinks we’re together... Going together to a fancy gala, wouldn’t really send the right message... and aargh, I really don’t need anymore people asking me how you are.”

 

“Okay..” Emma answered, failing to hide her disappointment for Regina’s trained ears.

 

“Sorry, it’s just.... I didn’t mean it like that. But like, it’s getting pretty old, people assuming we’re together just because you look good in my clothes”

The inside joke from freshmen week, when Emma had lost all her clothes and borrowed/stolen some from her roommate, lifted Emma’s mood a bit.

 

“Yeah, I get it. It’s just, those assholes should just take our word for it. We shouldn’t feel the need to prove them wrong.”

 

“Those assholes are my friends... but you’re right. They should just believe us.”

 

Though the conversation was saved, Emma still felt weird, a hint of rejection if she were honest, ~~but we all know she wasn’t and just called it hungry~~.

 

\--

 

The slightly off mood from the phone-call kept surrounding Regina that afternoon. She really didn’t want to hurt Emma, but them going together to the gala really was unthinkable. I mean, literally everyone would be even more convinced they were dating and that was just... aargh, she didn’t have time to think about this. There were enough more important things to stress about. She didn’t need this too to make her heart go crazy and all her muscles tense up. She didn’t need Emma to wander through her mind and haunt her dreams. Her two papers due way too soon would be a welcome distraction from this pointless worry.

 

In the middle of her argumentation on the importance of modern fairy tales though, Regina found her mind arguing why she and Emma were definitely not dating and never going to instead. It wasn’t all that hard to believe if you just looked at the facts. They were friends. They had been for long. If they would have feelings for each other, something would have happened years ago. The closest thing they had ever come to dating was Emma bringing her Kale salad every Thursday for a month, which was really nothing. And Regina herself had always thought of Emma as just a good friend. (Except sometimes when she thought of her as a pain in the ass.) But having sex with Emma was something she couldn’t imagine, didn’t want to either. She didn’t want to imagine that wiht anybody actually. But still, Emma wasn’t that special. Just because she looked foreword to their lunches, study-session (which were more Regina studying and Emma roaming the net for notorious facts about their professors or sword-fighting tutorials) and late nights at their bar after finals or other stressful periods; just because Emma was the only one who could bring a smile on her face when she felt hopeless; just because the smell of Emma’s hair when they hugged was one of the most calming things; just because she still sometimes thinks about that one night they fell asleep on the couch watching buffy; just because this was all sounding very cliché; didn’t mean they were anything other than friends.

 

\--

 

Emma’s Ultimate Frisbee training had been a welcome distraction. Regina wasn’t normally a person to care what other people thought about her; she was a queen and she knew it. This stupid rumour was in some way different. But why? It was just stupid people being stupid. It’s not like the two of them dating was repulsive or anything, just inaccurate. Or did Regina really think she was repulsive? Was she secretly ashamed of being associated with her? That would be ridiculous, right? Like, she wasn’t the most sophisticated, efficient, orderly, ... person, but she had her share of noticeable characteristics. She had gotten very good at finding embarrassing pictures of people they knew, making puns, making puns so bad Regina laughed at them, sensing when Regina needed some food and company, late night conversations and pretending to keep up with all of Regina’s speculations on literature, giving hugs that were comfy and never suffocating, ...

 

\--

 

“Shit!” Regina jerked awake from her desk, leaving just a tiny bit of drool on her paper drafts. ... This was the part of her, no one ever really saw. Well, no one except Emma... No. NO, this had to stop. Emma had to stop being on her mind. She had had enough Emma for this week. This month maybe even. She had been everywhere. In her friend’s questions, in her philosophy class (why did she even tell Emma about the new professor?), in her dreams, and even in her own rendition of fairy tales her clumsy princess charming wore Emma’s face. This was getting ridiculous, completely out of hand, this had to stop. She was determined: no more Emma.

But her scented candles wouldn’t be as calming, _My Drunk Kitchen_ wouldn’t be as funny, lonely studying wouldn’t be as productive. She needed Emma.

Somehow, in the past years, she had grown so close to Emma, she couldn’t live as good without her.

Somehow, she needed Emma.

 

“Somebody ordered kale salad, a burger and two bears?”

 

The voice outside would’ve scared her, hadn’t it been so common that her body immediately recognised it and walked itself to the door while her mouth formed the words “a kale salad and two beers I can use, the burger you can keep” as if that was the only possible answer to this oddly timed question. And it kind of was...

 

\--

 

The moment Regina’s familiar response answered Emma’s attempt at casual her shoulders released a weight that had been building there since after their call. She wasn’t used to feeling like they weren’t on the same page and actually never wanted to get used to that knot in her stomach accompanied by this tension all through her body. And as much as she liked avoiding certain conversations, she knew this was even worse.

 

“You’re dinner, mademoiselle” Emma said as soon as the door opened, holding up the grocery-bag. Having said this a million times hadn’t improved her French accent, but neither had it reduced their laugh bursts. Any tension still in Emma’s body now left through her smile. This was the only thing she needed, to feel like herself again: them laughing at jokes as old as their friendship, them remembering how good it feels to be happy together.

 

\--

 

Regina felt herself laughing at their jokes, taking out plates and a bottle-opener, settling herself on the comfy couch. Her body was on autopilot; her mind was working overtime driving herself in circles. Why was Emma here? Why did seeing her smile tie a knot in her stomach? Why did she not know if this felt good or all kinds of bad? Why was Emma here? Why was she happy Emma was here? Why did her decision to not see Emma anymore this week feel so distant? Why were they acting like everything was fine when clearly she was dying in some sort of way? Why didn’t she know you could die from feeling too much? Why was Emma here?

 

“Uhm, I was kind of glad you are home, ‘cause... I hope I don’t make things worse saying this, but someone told me talking usually helps... you told me... But. It just.. I just have been feeling... weird? Since after our last call... And, and I don’t know. Maybe you’re angry at me or... I don’t know, maybe I’ve been too close to you and you don’t want that? Or, or .. I don’t know. But I’d just hate if there is something I did that made you angry and I don’t know what, so...”

 

Regina saw Emma’s eyes lift up to meet hers, but never knew if they actually did, ‘cause she suddenly did not feel her own eyes anymore. They were there, she was there, as was her hand holding her beer still, paused on the way to her lips. Paused. Everything was paused. She knew what she was supposed to do, she knew her hand was supposed to finish the movement to her lips instead of hanging mid-air, she knew she was supposed to see Emma’s eyes instead of just herself in the middle of this room painted still, she knew she was supposed to answer instead of this. She knew she was at least supposed to search for words to answer Emma’s questions, to answer her own questions. But pausing mid-air, mid-conversation, mid-thought suddenly seemed like the only option for her body and mind.

 

\--

 

Talking was harder than Emma had expected. Why did her words not just form the questions her mind was asking, the apologies her heart was sending? Pausing mid-sentence, she lifted her eyes to meet Regina’s, But... they stared responseless in the distance, as if she suddenly left her body and started living in another world. There was not a slight hint of fear on Regina’s frozen face, but Emma was overthrown by an extreme fright. What was happening? This seemed like some kind of spell, but she had never gotten her acceptance letter to Hogwarts, so that was almost impossible. What was happening?

 

Softly, cautiously, Emma reached for Regina’s hand still hanging mid-air. She didn’t know what to do.

 

“Regina?”

 

Her fingers first touched the beer, then Regina’s hand. Her eyes looking for any kind of reaction, ready to catch her falling, ready to hold back with even the smallest sign of her touch making this worse.

Her one hand was now holding Regina’s; the other had taken the beer and set it safely on the table.

Emma was still looking for a recognition, a thread still holding Regina in this world, a glimpse in her eyes.

 

“Regina, are you okay?”

\--

 

The nothingness had felt like the ideal place to rest for forever, but a glimpse of Emma’s words, of Emma’s voice, a remembrance of her existing outside of this non-existent place, a flood of for a moment forgotten feelings, ...

Her arms found Emma’s, her eyes too. She held her for a moment before breaking down in tears and a hug she wished she could build a home in.

 

When the stream of tears slowed down and her thoughts stopped drowning her mind, she started to take in the situation. Emma’s hugs are soft. Emma’s breath is calm. Emma’s neck smells like flowers. Why does Emma always smell like forest-flowers? Why does Emma make her head spin? Why does Emma make her ask all kind of questions?

 

“I am used to knowing what I want.” She pulled herself out of their hug, to take in Emma and remember her. She fully realised this could be the last time they ever saw each other like this.

 

“I always know what I want. I do. And when I don’t, I’ll stop everything until I do know.

And I’m not saying I don’t know what I want. I do. It’s just....

I don’t want sex.”

 

Emma looked comforting but slightly confused about where this was going. It would have been easier to just stop talking... But deep down, Regina knew that was not what she wanted.

 

“I don’t want sex. I don’t want relationships.

But maybe I do... want relationships, a relationship.”

 

Emma’s eyes still looked confused

 

“And I’m, I’m not saying...

I fully understand this is something that doesn’t just happen when I know I want it,

But I need to stop turning circles inside my mind, so I need to put this in words. I need to tell you that I can’t stand people thinking we are in a relationship, ‘cause we are not and every time I think about us being in a relationship, my heart starts beating three times as fast. And every time I think about you, my mind stops functioning and just start listing all the things that make me smile about you. And every time you enter a room I’m in, I feel my face light up with smiles.”

 

Emma’s eyes had stopped looking confused and were now filled with marvel at Regina’s words.

 

“And every time you make a stupid joke, I write it down in my mental collection to remember when I need to laugh. And sometimes when we study, I just look at you trying to practice sword fighting in the middle of the library without anyone noticing. And it’s really affecting my ...”

 

Emma’s hand reached for Regina’s, stopping her stream of words, coming closer and getting in her own:

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

After a second in which Regina’s mind stopped working completely, their eyes locked, she nodded and as their lips touched, she could feel her stomach jumping and her heart racing. But most of all she could feel Emma’s lips against hers. She could feel the softness, the warmth, the safety. This was a feeling she would willingly drown in.

 

Their kiss had turned into a soft, though firm hug and with her head in Emma’s neck Regina asked:

 

“Do you wanna sleep in my bed tonight?”

 

Realising what she had asked, she got up to watch Emma’s reaction.

 

“I mean, I still really don’t want to have sex. But it’s late and beds are mainly made for sleeping. And I kind of don’t want to stop holding you close to me.”

 

The smile on Emma’s face made her body fill with warmth. Her answer:

“Gladly,”

made her completely forget what coldness ever felt like.

\-- --

 

Emma had never actually slept in the same bed as another person. She hadn’t known what to expect, but all she had felt when Regina had asked her to stay was an urge to stay with her as long as she could. She had felt certain sharing a bed with Regina would be magical.

 

Waking up the next morning she knew she had been right. There was something about feeling Regina’s warmth, the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin that made her feel... safe. If she hadn’t wanted to experience as much of Regina’s closeness as possible, she would have fallen asleep immediately. With Regina by her side, there were no worries, no fears, no simmering thoughts.  

 

The sunlight shyly entering the room, the birds chirping outside, Regina still sleeping besides her... It all felt like a dream. Last night felt like a dream. What did this mean?

Emma would rather not yet think about anything and just take in this scene. The sound of Regina’s breath, their hands touching, a combination of shampoo and sleep, Regina’s face this peaceful, the taste of possibility.

 

\--

 

As soon as Regina opened her eyes to a sleepy Emma, she knew she had dreamt of this moment. Part of her still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. The other part felt like this was what always was supposed to be happening.

 

Those two parts played a perfect, though slightly hasted, morning. Coffee, hot coco with cinnamon, toast, some kisses, a lot of smiles and then running off to each of their classes.

 

Regina could feel herself smile the entire morning as a remembrance of very good dream or the prospect of an even better fate.

 

\--

 

Half an hour into class and Emma couldn’t postpone her thoughts anymore. What did this mean? As good as this night had felt, there was a lot of confusion. What did this mean? Had they never been just friends? What did this mean? Had she grown up with so little friends she couldn’t see the difference between friendship and romance? What did this mean? Had she been stupid for not realising all these feelings? What did this mean?

 

\--

 

The knock on her door startled Regina. She had called Emma that afternoon, they would see each other the next day and all her friends were at the gala. She had settled herself for a quiet evening and an early night and wasn’t expecting anyone.

 

She almost let her glass slip out of her hands when she saw a fully suited Emma on her doorstep. What was she doing here? And why did she look this good?

 

“Okay, I know you said no to going to the gala together” Emma said, walking inside, kissing Regina’s still stupefied mouth.

“But then last night happened, and then I started thinking during class. Cause this didn’t really make sense and I realised that I still don’t really understand everything. Like how I could have been feeling this urge to be close to you, to make you laugh, without realising this wasn’t just a friendship.”

 

Regina couldn’t help the smile that covered her face; Emma talking was always a pleasure.

 

“And then I realised that I shouldn’t waste too much possible happiness anymore to not getting things. Cause clearly that has been going on for a while now, so I thought...

But I completely get if you do not want to go to the gala and I’ll stay inside just as gladly, or I can also just go away and see you tomorrow, or...”

 

Now it was Regina’s turn to silence Emma’s adorable rambles and kissed her softly, followed by a smile.

 

“I have the perfect dress.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let's talk: @rootlessshaw on tumblr :)


End file.
